What do you actually want?
Hello there, hope you are doing well! It's a gorgeous, sparkling week in Vermont. You’re reading The Bright Side—a bi-weekly dose of calm and clarity in a noisy world.
I had two conversations about this idea last week. With two men—one 20, and one with 53. Then I saw this quote in a Farnam Street newsletter.
So I’m taking the hint. It wants to be shared. ;)
Life comes down to two things:
1. Knowing what’s worth wanting
2. Knowing how to get what you want
Sounds simple.
It’s not, especially when you're 23.
The world rewards speed. Conformity. Action. It doesn’t leave much space to reflect.
And almost no one teaches you how to notice your strengths and help you tap into what matters to you. Let alone how to shape a life around them.
Knowing what fits isn’t entitlement.
Myth:
If you’re young and care about what kind of work suits you, you’re being difficult. You should just get in the game, prove yourself, and figure it out later.
But come on—do you think these guys made it to the Eurovision finals by playing it safe?! 😂 (Watch it. I dare you not to smile.)
There’s a difference between avoiding hard work and noticing what fits.
Your early jobs teach you that—if you’re paying attention. Every task, every frustration, every flicker of energy is a "clue."
You’re learning what fuels you. What drains you. And where it might finally start to feel right.
That’s not entitlement. It’s awareness.
(and no, it’s not just for the young.)
The world is noisy. Clarity isn't optional.
The economy tells you to optimize.
Social media tells you to perform, and to be liked.
Neither is built to help you define what you actually value.
Shouldn't your life be built around that?
Hustle, grind, can't afford to dream...
That space to reflect—to imagine what your life could look like—
It’s important.
But for a lot of people, it was never even on the table. Not when bills were due, and no one around you had options.
So if slowing down feels unfamiliar, or even uncomfortable, there’s a reason for that.
But clarity doesn’t show up on its own. It needs time.
And intent.
1. Track what drains you this week. And what doesn’t.
+ waking up early. sunshine and fresh air. radical self care. physical training. meditation and space. deep conversations. "in the zone" work. acquiring skillsets. daily learning.
- hitting snooze. slave to emails. living reactively. eating poor food. gossiping. being a victim. overconsumption. complaining. breaking news.
2. Take 20 minutes to get outside and move, or do a project that keeps your hands busy. Let your brain go where it goes.
3. Ask someone: “What do you think I’m good at?” Don’t argue. Own it!
(Sidenote: we often de-value what we’re good at. Because it feels easy to us.)
Some countries build for this
Finland invests early in young people’s well-being.
They make space for rest. Thought. Direction.
And year after year, they top the life satisfaction rankings.
The U.S. barely cracks the top 25.
It’s not magic. They just decided this kind of clarity was worth making room for. Shouldn't we?
In the end getting what you want takes work.
But knowing what to want? That’s the deeper skill.
It won’t always be obvious. And it won’t always feel fast.
But once you see what matters to you—
really see it—you’ll stop spinning.
And start defining success in a way that feels yours.
